It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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