You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
