I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
