He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
