and she was petting her beer can
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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