The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
