Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
