You don't have asthma, your pregnant
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
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Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
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There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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