So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
