you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
