I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
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I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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