never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize