You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
