After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
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Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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