just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
