My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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