just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
