dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
