I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
