I don't usually arrange sex via text message
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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