rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
