She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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