I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
