I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
