Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
