she was so not down for the gang bang
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
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I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
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Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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