He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I want to fling myself into the sun
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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