We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
