He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize