I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
