Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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