Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
