so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
