just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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