so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
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I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
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Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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