Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
