And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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