I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
