Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
