his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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