New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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