I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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