please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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