i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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