i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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