Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
