I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
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I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
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I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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