wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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