found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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