Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
