I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
