GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
