Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
