so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
